To My Sweet Baby Sister (April 29―July 28)

April 29

To: My troubled baby sister

Salutations,

It is I, your big brother.

How are dad and mom? Please let them know I spend each and every day by the sea at Noto tirelessly researching difficult issues and advancing the causes of humanity and world peace.

When I left our Shimogamo home, you questioned whether I wasn’t actually being exiled to the Noto Peninsula, but I assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. “You’re my top student!” the professor implored me. “Only you can break new grounds in the field of jellyfish research there at the Noto Peninsula.” It’s a form of tough love, like the proverbial lion pushing its cubs off a cliff. “Make me proud,” the professor said. So as you can see, your big brother carries a lot of weight on his shoulders.

The Noto-Kashima Marine Biological Laboratory is manned by Taniguchi, a distinguished jellyfish expert. He wears a leather bomber jacket and his hardened demeanour reminds me of the villain in a detective serial, but he’s a consummate professional. To the timid he’s as intimidating as a bawling drill sergeant, but he holds me in high regard. Just the other night we huddled in deep discussion till the first rays of dawn, coming up with revolutionary new ideas one after another. If he ends up winning the Nobel Prize someday, don’t be surprised if I get an invite to the award ceremony: that’s how tight-knit we are. Yes indeed.

There’s a cherry tree tunnel at Noto-Kashima Station, so every morning during the first few weeks of April I was treated to a magnificent view of the cherry blossoms. Nanao Bay is stunningly serene. Mom was fussing as if I was being sent to the edge of the world, but it really isn’t that lonely a place. I have a nice apartment in Nanao, and there’s even an ASTY shopping center and a Yamada Electronics nearby, so shopping is a breeze.

Now that cherry blossom season is over, the trees across from the station and on Nanao Island are a lush sea of green. Seeing that fills me with energy. I’m not going to fall behind. I’m going to keep growing too, growing and growing until my head’s skimming the stratosphere.

I hope my cosmic example encourages you to apply yourself to your studies and spend your time wisely. You’ve only got a year before college entrance exams. Don’t watch too many Ultraman Taro reruns. Saving the planet is a noble calling, but so is saving your grades.

You’re probably wondering why I’m going to the trouble of writing a letter.

But think about how considerate I’m actually being. Some things are hard to say face to face, even between siblings. Sometimes you want to consult your dependable big brother, but just can’t seem to get the words out. It’s complicated being a blossoming high schooler, huh? Of course it is. So don’t be shy, ask away. Some people call me a legendary trouble buster who’s responsible for solving half the problems in Sakyō ward. And I haven’t retired yet. Every time my labmate comes to me with a new heartache, I hit him with pinpoint advice.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Your brother

P.S. I was out walking in the shopping arcade across from the station today and got to know the sage owner of Minowa Books. He’s got a lot of classic films on tape that he’s willing to lend me for free. Could you send me the old VCR that should be sitting in the shed? Please and thank you.

May 21

To: Morita Kaoru

It’s me, your big brother.

Thanks for writing back. Mom sent me the VCR a few weeks back, along with an assortment of food in cans and pouches. I was positively heartbroken that it didn’t come with a reply from you, until I checked the post today. You’re right, you have a lot on your plate, and I can’t expect you to write back instantly. My bad. But me, the troubled one? How dare you. What could I possibly be troubled about?

Rice planting has just finished up here, and you wouldn’t believe how lush the spring greenery is up here. It makes me feel brand new. Today I strolled through Nanao and dropped by Minowa Books to discuss jellyfish and old castle ruins, before stopping for lunch at the Freshness Burger in front of the station, where I’m now writing this letter. A perfect weekend, if I do say so myself.

Last weekend I went to Wakura Onsen. Hot springs are wonderful, aren’t they? I positively live for them, them and Tengu ham. I’m sending you a sample, so when you get it share it with mom and dad. I can’t believe dad’s started writing an autobiography. How’s it coming along? Maybe we’ll finally learn how mom and dad fell in love.

Lately I’ve been waking up bright and early every day to get to the Noto Railways station and catch the train to the laboratory. I’m so swamped that I can hardly spare a second to think of home, though I get plenty of mail from Kyoto. As I mentioned in my last letter, I’m helping my friend Komatsuzaki navigate his love life. And Ōtsuka, who’s also from my lab, is also flooding me with letters, out of loneliness I suspect. What’s a guy to do?

I sound like a different person in my letters? That can’t be right. I may look like I’m fiddlefarting around at home, but that’s just the carefully crafted kindly-big-brother mask I wear at home so as not to frighten you all. You still have a long way to go if you never figured that out, young grasshopper. I’m a hardened realist, through and through, and I don’t have a single moment to waste sitting around daydreaming. How I wish you could see me in the lab engaged in white-hot debate. But I decided long ago that what happens at work stays at work, and even one day when I am married in the not-too-distant-future that will not change. I intend to cherish my wife. Dad seems to be cut from the same cloth. Ask him yourself.

So you can consider this letter-me to be the real me, and treat him with all the respect he commands. Do this and you will be rewarded.

Unfortunately, I’ve never read Thus Spake Zarathustra, so I can’t answer your questions about it. I’m curious why you’d choose your final year of high school to pick up Nietzsche? I’d hope that you’d choose more cheerful books to read, and ask more demure questions. For example: there’s this guy that I kind of like, what does he think about all day? And so forth. I’m confident I could give you much more useful advice about those kinds of questions.

So let’s stick to more cheerful topics, shall we?

Oh, and in case you were wondering what guys usually think about, it’s never anything good. 40% of the guys who pass by on the street are idiots, another 40% are worthless, and the final 20% are perverts. Never show them your back. Never show signs of weakness. Slip up once, and the next thing you’ll feel is a knife sliding between your ribs. Constant vigilance.

The Hot Spring Sage

June 23

To: My charmless baby sister

Thanks for writing.

The rainy season has arrived here too. It feels like the sky here hangs a bit lower overhead than it does in Kyoto. On the train yesterday I looked out the window and saw a great big rainbow slipping in and out of the rain clouds. There’s something mysterious about the Noto weather.

When I look out the lab window at the rain falling over Nanao Bay, it reminds me of how we used to play games together on rainy days when we were little. Be grateful that you had such a good big brother.

I’m not telling you not to read Nietzsche; please stop jumping down my throat with all your logic. Do what you believe you should do, but don’t forget that there is such a thing becoming too enlightened. Whether you’re a guy or a gal, showing a little vulnerability is a good thing. That’s what makes people charming. Just look at me. I show vulnerabilities where I ought to, and so no matter how hard I try to conceal it the charm just comes oozing out. That’s why all throughout college, and at the lab, people have always gravitated to me. Get it? And if any guy tries to take advantage of what he thinks is weakness you just knock him out cold. Show no mercy.

It sounds like dad’s autobiography is chugging along. What if he revealed that he used to be a spy for some foreign country in his younger days? He’d probably top the bestsellers lists. Why do you think he calls so many family meetings? Doesn’t he slog through enough meetings at work? My lab head hates meetings so much he once jumped out of a window to get out of one.

Oh, and tell mom she doesn’t need to come over. No need for her to worry herself. I’m taking care of myself just fine, emptying the kitchen garbage every day and all that stuff.

I’m a little shocked that you’ve started reading Morimi Tomihiko. We used to be in the same club back in undergrad, and I still write to him. Just between you and me, I give him advice from time to time about the book he’s working on. I find his works dull, since he only ever writes about Kyoto. Ask him to write about anything more than a kilometer or so away from himself and he’s completely clueless. One of these days that monomania is going to lead to his demise.

I’d stay away from him if I were you. He’s a scoundrel. He pretends to be harmless, but he’s always playing with fire, wheedling his way into the hearts of female readers all over Japan. That’s why he’s always missing his writing deadlines. That’s why I urge you to pick a different novelist to read.

This wouldn’t be a very charming letter if all I did was lecture you, so here’s a picture of a dolphin I took at the Notojima Aquarium. I often take trips over to the aquarium to talk to the dolphin for a change of pace. It’s a beautiful dolphin. Dolphins possess a cosmic charm all their own.

Today’s letter was brought to you by the letter “C”. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, but neither can do without Charm.

Till next time,

Your Charming big brother

P.S. I got the daruma you bought at Shinkyogoku. I’ll fill in the eye when I graduate. Did you buy one for yourself too?

July 3

To: Kaoru

When you write letters to your big brother, could you maybe not write “Balance Overdue” on the envelope? It really had me worried for a minute. I don’t remember this incident you describe at all. We were just passing the time on a rainy day; I’d never try to pilfer my baby sister’s pocket money. Probably. Most likely. Either way I’m afraid I don’t recall.

For such a clever girl you have a lot of slovenly ways. You can’t go around saying you want to “become a gentlewoman of leisure.” First off, it’s not easy to become a gentlewoman of leisure. Now if dad’s autobiography turns into a bestseller that would change everything, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. I highly doubt that dad has a dark and mysterious past as a secret agent or anything like that to make his book fly off the shelves.

Back in college, Morimi and I once were sitting in a café having a silly debate about the future. This is what he said: “If I can’t become a poet or a gentleman of leisure, I don’t want to become anything at all.” That’s the sort of man he is. If he’s anything to go by, Japan is doomed.

I’m extremely optimistic and realistic at the same time, and I’m convinced that you’ll never get anywhere just with a mopey attitude like that. I need to go out into the real world and get to work. The whole world is waiting for my arrival. Well I’m ready to get this show on the road. So no more pouting about wanting to become a gentlewoman of leisure. Get out there and get some real work done.

You never know what life has in store. In college some people seem like they’re going to accomplish great things, only for them to fold once they hit the real world. On the other hand, some people seem to be treading water, and the next thing you know you hear about them making a name for themself. You just never know what’s going to happen.

I’m helping Komatsuzaki (you remember him from my other letters) with his love life. At the same time I also get letters from Ōtsuka. I help Morimi figure out how to respond to fan mail, and Mamiya, the kid who I used to tutor, writes to me as well. All these people are depending on me.

But lately I’ve been so busy with research that it’s started to wear me down. I’m in the middle of a very important project, so I’ve barely caught a wink of sleep. My lab head is depending on me. Forget about graduation; that’s nothing compared to the twin burdens of human progress and world peace that I now carry upon my shoulders. But sometimes the burden gets so heavy that when I see the Thunderbird Express stopped at the station I have to resist the urge to hop on and go back to Kyoto.

Enough complaints from me.

Good luck with your entrance exams.

Your devoted brother

July 28

To: A promising entrance exam taker

It’s me again. It’s so hot now, isn’t it?

I figured now that it’s summer vacation you’d be busy hitting the books for entrance exams. So imagine my surprise when I heard that you’d visited my school! I can’t believe how much you’ve grown. You don’t know how proud it makes me feel to have a baby sister with such cosmic aspirations.

Not many high schoolers have the gumption to just go marching into a lab, so little wonder that my lab head was so enthused to see you. By the way, I don’t know what tall tales Komatsuzaki or Ōtsuka Hisako were spinning about me, but they’re such jokesters, so I’d take anything they said with a handful of salt. And it’s great that you and Saegusa bonded over Morimi Tomihiko.

I’m surprised how perceptive you’ve gotten. Yes, Saegusa’s going out with Marshmallow Man (Komatsuzaki). They’re a brand spanking new couple, too, since they only started dating just recently. Komatsuzaki said it was all thanks to my pinpoint advice. And please, he’s my friend, so stop calling him Marshmallow Man.

Did Ōtsuka keep ribbing him? If someone’s a bad person, it’s only right that you all gang up on him. But if he’s just clumsy and misunderstood, you shouldn’t rip him apart. You can’t always judge a book by its cover.

A warning: just because you perceive what lies beneath the surface doesn’t mean you should just start poking at it willy-nilly. The most dangerous thing you can do is poke at someone’s soft spots. And that’s exactly what you tend to do. You’ll never find your happily-ever-after that way. You can’t always be fixated over what’s on the inside, but if you lose sight of it you’ll also lose your meaning in life. Hey, that was pretty clever of me!

By the way, what are you reading a book about copyright for? I’m finding it hard to grasp your intellectual interests, what with you reading Nietzsche back in May. Whatever you’re looking for, maybe I can slip it into your stocking for Christmas? I’m gunning for the rights to Morimi Tomihiko’s books, so if you’ve got anything specific in mind let me know. Together we can rob him blind.

You don’t need to worry so much about how I’m doing. Though the beach is only steps away, I don’t let the temptation to catch some summer rays distract me from focusing on my research. I don’t get much shuteye, but then again I slept far more than anyone has any right to during my undergrad days, so I reckon I can work without rest for another two years before it catches up with me.

What exactly are you so worried about? Why on earth would I have to falsify my experimental data? I’ve produced plenty of useful data already, thank you very much. I have no plans of running off to India, much less any desire to touch an Indian elephant’s derriere. Whatever put those wild thoughts into your head? There’s nothing I despise more than someone who refuses to face reality. I’ve got work to do. Winston Churchill once said, “One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger.” You’ve heard of him, I presume?

I’m afraid your intuition is off the mark. Stop fussing over me, and start worrying about entrance exams. This is going to be the most important summer of your life. I advise you to take your prep classes seriously instead of blowing them off. Be extra cautious if you happen to be seated next to a cute boy you don’t know. 40% of the guys…well, you already know the rest.

Take care,

Your brother (and promising young researcher)