To a Promising Young Lad (June 4–July 29)

June 4

To: Mamiya

Thank you for your letter. I was just wondering how you were doing.

Every day I study, eat Tengu Ham, and go to the hot springs.

Today I took the train to a town called Hakui to spend the day. Apparently there are many UFO sightings in this town. I was hoping to spot one, but there weren’t any hovering around today. Do you like UFOs? I’m very curious about what aliens look like. If they’re pretty, I’d tell them, “Come on in!” but if they’re like jellyfish or pointy bamboo shoots, it might be hard to get along with them.

Ms. Mari is pretty, isn’t she? I can tell by how you wrote your letter.

It’s very hard to express how pretty a person is in words. Sometimes you might struggle to find words other than just “pretty”. When you get stuck like that you can compare them to other things. For example: “Ms. Mari is as pretty as a soft-boiled egg,” or “Ms. Mari is as cute as a kibidango,” and so on. But sometimes when you call someone pretty or cute, they might not take it that way. That’s just how life works. Sad, isn’t it?

However, when you’re having trouble with writing something it’s good to think about how to put it into words. By doing that you’ll eventually be able to write all sorts of things.

I see that you really did write a letter to Morimi Tomihiko, because I received one from him too. I don’t know what you wrote in your letter, but it made him very afraid. He said it was so scary that he might miss his writing deadline. What you did is called a “criminal threat”, and could cause the police to come and arrest you. I suggest you tone it down.

One more thing: the strange man who was hanging around outside watching Ms. Mari? I suspect he was just a neighbour who happened to be passing by, not a real stalker. You shouldn’t be suspicious of someone just because they’re chubby. What makes you think chubby people are suspicious? I know a chubby man. People often mistake him for a marshmallow and kick him around, but he’s not a bad person. In fact, he can even be kind of cute.

How are Tamotsu and your granny? All you write about is Ms. Mari.

Morita Ichirō

June 17

To: Mamiya

Everyday I’m swamped with work from dawn to dusk.

The more I study jellyfish the more mysterious they become. They’ve begun to drift into my dreams, as has a frolicking dolphin with a slab of Tengu Ham on its back. I suspect that seawater must have begun to soak into my brain. When things get too hectic I go to Wakura Onsen for some R&R. You get there by taking the Noto Railway. Have you ever been to a hot spring, Mamiya? It’s a lot of fun; you can do things like making onsen tamago. The hot springs bubble up to the street, so all you do is stick an egg in there, and you’ve got an onsen tamago. The water in hot springs is salty.

Your adventure was a white-knuckle thriller. It had me on the edge of my seat.

Who does that flabby man work for? Why was he following Ms. Mari around? And what goes on in that mysterious building? What does the woman who controls that flabby man want? Why did she throw him to the ground and sit on his belly to interrogate him?

The plot thickens.

When she was threatening you by swinging her funny weapon around and saying, “I’ll eat you up, hee-hee-hee!” that probably means you saw something that you shouldn’t have. I think you ran into some real perverts. It’s a relief to hear that you got home safe and sound.

I understand that you’re worried about Ms. Mari, but children shouldn’t be following around strange grownups like that on their own. You should talk to Ms. Mari or your mom. Out in the world you’re going to run into both good grownups and bad grownups. Some good grownups are still perverts, and some bad people are also perverts. Watch your back.

You did a great job portraying Ms. Mari snacking on those marshmallows. I can imagine just how cute she is.

I think you’ve fallen head over heels for Ms. Mari.

You’re smitten, I can tell. That’s why you were so jealous of those marshmallows.

I’m a jellyfish expert, but you know what else I’m an expert on? Crushes. I bet you won’t find anyone as knowledgeable as I am on jellyfish and crushes in all of Kyoto. Sometimes I give advice to my friends when they fall in love.

Don’t lose your head and do anything rash because of a crush. Leave the bad guys to the adults.

Morita

July 10

It’s been raining every day here; I hear the weather’s just as dire in Kyoto. The sky is constantly shrouded by thick grey clouds; from dawn to dusk a gloom hangs over the mountains, the city, the sea. Even on my days off I can hardly bring myself to leave my apartment.

On weekends I often visit the little bookseller in the shopping arcade by the station. The shop is run by a solitary old man who says he’s 80, which makes him older than your granny. He reminds me of my own grandpa, who’s already passed away. There are all sorts of interesting things in the shop, like a model battleship Yamato made out of magazine inserts and a whole mountain of videotapes. Are you interested in things like the battleship Yamato? He let me take a picture, which I’ve included with this letter. The model was made by one of the old man’s customers, who donated it to him. Apparently the same customer started working on another model, but died before it was complete.

I usually chat with the old man for a little bit before browsing the videotapes. There are a lot of old movies, and he lets me borrow them all for free. I spent the last two Saturdays watching a lot of old flicks. There’s nothing like spending the day watching old movies when it’s raining outside.

I’m glad to hear that the flabby man has vanished. It’s a shame, though, that we’ll never find out what he was up to.

You seem very worried that Ms. Mari has an upset stomach. But when I was your tutor, every time I caught a cold you were over the moon. No, that’s not a complaint; if I were in your shoes, I’d probably be worried about Ms. Mari too.

That’s just how it goes. What can you do, huh?

It’s well and good to visit her, but since her stomach isn’t feeling well I wouldn’t bring her marshmallows if I were you. Women love getting flowers.

Morita

July 16

To: Mamiya

I’m writing this letter inside the Mister Donut in front of the station. Evening is falling, and the lights of the town are flickering on one by one. Things are quiet over here, over in Kyoto the streets must be filled with sightseers for Yoiyama. I imagine that you’re out right now with Ms. Mari browsing the festival stalls and eating all sorts of yummy food. Thinking about it makes me a little envious. What are your favourite festival foods? I’m a fan of yakitori. There’s something special about festival yakitori that makes it extra delicious.

Between you and me, I’ve always dreamed of accompanying a woman to Yoiyama, but I’ve never had the chance (remember, this is just between us). Life is complicated. Say that to other grownups, and they’ll usually nod and agree. Grownups who don’t nod and agree usually end up being beaten to within a millimeter of their life.

By the way, your mention of the “bubble-bobble chimaki” in your letter helped me deduce the identity of our mysterious chubster. His name is Komatsuzaki, and he’s one of my friends. He’s round and pudgy like a marshmallow, right? He has his reasons for lurking around Ms. Mari. They’re very important reasons, but as they’re private matters I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to divulge them. But I bet he’d be green with envy to hear that you’re attending Yoiyama with Ms. Mari. “I can’t stand it!” I can already hear him sulking, puffing up like the marshmallow that he is.

Do you intend to confess your feelings to Ms. Mari already?

You’re moving so fast it almost makes my head spin. First you visit her bearing flowers, then you secure a promise to go on a date together to Yoiyama in exchange, and to cap it all off you‘re planning to hand her a love letter! Those are some advanced techniques. How did you learn them? Did your granny teach you some slick moves? Grade schoolers really are something else these days.

What really astounded me was how quick you whipped up that love letter. How did you do it so fast? I struggle with writing love letters. I’d like to write one myself, but all I can do is fill the page up with nonsense. Maybe I’m just not cut out for it.

In any case, I have to admit that you have surpassed me. Victory is yours.

Yoiyama must be so pretty at night. And Ms. Mari must be pretty too.

I hope it doesn’t rain tonight.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

Morita Ichirō

July 29

To: A promising young lad

The sea is shimmering; now that the rainy season has ended it finally feels like summer.

I went to the hot springs with Taniguchi for the first time in a while. We got to know some older fellows and had a fabulous time. I’ve been a little down recently, so cutting loose helped me feel much better. The next time you’re feeling sad or lonely, remember that having fun is the best medicine. And don’t forget a good sleep. That’s important for both grownups and grade schoolers.

It’s too bad you weren’t able to hand Ms. Mari your love letter.

I know what you’re thinking: Komatsuzaki stole her from you. And you’re right. He did steal her. How did Ms. Mari fall for him? What is it about him that makes her so happy? That stupid, flabby marshmallow! I’m thinking the exact same thing.

But you’re restraining yourself because Ms. Mari seems happy, aren’t you? That’s very mature of you.

Dr. Koibumi of Idaho State University once said, “Every rejected love letter is a chance to grow.” At first glance this seems like a famous adage, and because I know a lot of famous adages I can pull them out like this to console you. But the way I see it, I’d throw away all the rejected love letters if I could just have the person I like tell me they like me back. So in the end, the quote I just wrote down is only superficial consolation. I understand what Dr. Koibumi was trying to say, but it doesn’t appeal to me at all.

All else aside, you show promise.

Sure, you’re easily distracted, and you tend to slack off. You can also be a little spiteful. You don’t listen to your mom. You gripe and groan. And your mind often wanders to dirty things.

But that’s exactly why I think you have promise.

Forget about getting revenge on that marshmallow, I just hope that you get back to your usual self soon.

You’ve got all of summer vacation ahead of you.

Morita Ichirō

P.S. I’m afraid I don’t know anything about making yogurt bombs. I strongly advise you to pick something less violent for your summer research project.